Turnip Chronicles II: Resigned Redemption

By Stephanie Burt

[fade in]

Woman #1 in comfortable clothes opens fridge and pulls out turnips. They have had tops removed ...

[flashback]

Woman #1 holds hand over cast iron skillet, then adjusts heat, pours a decent splash of olive oil into pan, then tosses chopped greens from cutting board into pan. Greens turn vibrant color. Woman #1 smiles, adds a dash of salt, some sliced grape tomatoes, and a beaten egg. Scene fades ...

Scene 2

Woman #1 (mumbling): OK, treat them just like potatoes. We'll see ...

Woman turns on water, scrubs each turnip under spigot, then turns off water and quarters each small, white veggie. Meanwhile, she turns away and hits the preheat button on the oven.

She opens cabinet above her head, pulls out cranberry-colored Pyrex dish (popular in 1998) and fills with diced turnips. Sprinkles with herbs from herb shelf, drizzles with olive oil, then tosses. Washes her hands, then grabs dish and places in the oven. Leaves room ...

Scene 3

Woman #1 walks back into room and opens oven. Calm. Grabs potholder, pulls out dish, sitting it on top of stove. She peers into it, then hits "cancel" on stove buttons.

Woman #1: OK, already better. No burning. Let's see how you taste -- chicken makes everything better.

Woman #1 pokes turnip with fork, piercing it, then brings it to her mouth, pausing. She blows on the veggie, browned on one side and soft, then takes a bite, reacting to the hot.

Woman #1: OK. Not bad. That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Woman #1 looks off in distance with a faint recognition ... [thinking] Have I heard that line before?

[fade out]

This has been a S. Burt plagiarized production.

Making Bacon ... Literally

I've been a busy gal as of late, but please refrain from using the term "bringing home the bacon."

Instead, I've actually been making bacon.

This is a new level. By that I mean the gateway drug was making homemade soap, then jam, then homemade wine and blackberry cordial, then on to pickles and now ... bacon. Curing meat ("ooooooh" my inner chemist cooed).

Me & My Bacon. Image by Forrest Clonts

Granted, I don't know how much I will do this moving forward, but I was not going to pass up the opportunity to learn, especially from such a talented meat curer as Tim Peters. And it was fun! Curry, fig, fenugreek and sorghum bacon ... I'll let you know how it tastes when it comes back from the smoker in a couple of weeks.

Until then, read my blog for The Local Palate here. Then get adventurous in your own lab ... uh, I mean kitchen.

A Non-Gender Specific Green Bean Casserole

My mom's explanation for The Green Bean Casserole is the following:

"I know that it's not that exciting, honey, but men just love it."

So we have GBC at every holiday. And my dad and brother-in-law look forward to it. I'm not going to delve into the gender-specific nature of this comment, but I guess she's cooked it a lot longer than I have, so I'll leave it at that.

Still, it's definitely not something that excites me all that much. Well, besides the French Fried onions on top ... so I went to the Vintage Kitchen for a suitable replacement that wouldn't have anyone grumbling at the table, no matter the gender.

For my vegetarian sister, I'm serving the bacon on the side for individual serving.

Click here for the complete column, and enjoy!

Recipe from the Monticello Cookbook